This place is full of issues I had with people, with institutions. They are not meant to be gossip but are written as case studies, to show human nature and how the world functions. They are basically a way for me to gain insight into how things might work better.
I know people think I should let go. I let go. But then something happens to remind me of the hurtful event and my grievance is triggered.
So I have to just write it down. I write to treat my wounds. Words heal me.
Yeah, they hurt me too.
They hurt me more than they do other people.
I believe in words.
I believe in the moral of words.
I believe that the world would be a much better place if people used their words responsibly and kept them clean.
Unfortunately for me, people are very shitty when using words. They do not get what their words do to people like me, people who live with words.
Yeah, time heals too. You forget.
But then you remember.
When I do, I go to bed and I cannot sleep for hours. That's why I need to write and get it out of my system. That's how I function. I mean if I do not write this stuff, I cannot function. That's my nature. Even though I do not appreciate it, I've come to accept it. I do what I need to do. So that I can go on with my life.
Forgetting the Past
Ah, there are people who advise me to forget the past, or just boast about how they live in the present.
Sorry but what bullshit!
The reason we are here today is because of yesterday, because of the wrongs of yesterday. There is so much to be gained from dissecting and analyzing the past. I know I sometimes get lost in too much detail. But detail is important. That's where the essence lies. The nuance lies.
If we could have healing circles like in some old traditional tribes, where people of the community sat down together and discussed it when some member was grieved or felt violated, things might have worked much better be it in families be it in virtual groups. The modern world might have provided us with so much, yet it has stolen our sense of community and belonging. It is so easy nowadays to walk away from people, groups you do not like. There is some other friend to make or another date on Tinder waiting. The challenge of the next generation will be to be able to form meaningful bonds and then to preserve them.
Don't get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with discarding the relations which are not working, which are giving you too much pain and trouble. Yet, we still need to give it a try and hold a mature discussion before going separate ways.
It is common knowledge that the width of our circle is around 150. More than that, we cannot keep track of. Just like downsizing, the more you age, the more you long for fewer, distilled relations to keep.
I'm working towards establishing that few now.