Writing Disgruntled I became aware of another issue with Ric and got stuck on... Ric says "I apologize for this person’s actions." I find that very obnoxious. Who is he to apologize for my actions?? Who is he?? I can apologize for my daughter, she is my child after all, and she is still not of age. I can and I actually should apologize for my daughter's actions if I see that she caused someone trouble, did something she shouldn't have done. I can even apologize for her actions when she becomes an adult, after all, she is my child and I've raised her. But even then, I'd find it a bit obnoxious to apologize for an adult person's actions. And I'd only do it if it is a very grave issue, like if she harms someone, steals etc., not oh she wrote something to someone on the internet and oh my God, they might have been bothered!
Or perhaps my husband can apologize on my behalf. Depending on the circumstances. For example, if I have done something wrong unawares and he becomes aware of it first. He may say sorry for what I have done. He knows me, he knows that I'd be sorry too if I knew about it. We have a very close relationship with him, we represent a family, a one front to the outside world.
But who is Ric? He has no relation to me. It is so patronizing of him to apologize for my actions. He obviously does not know his place.
The only thing Ric has the right to do is to take responsibility for getting people included in such a mess and being the unintentional intermediary causing such "harassment." Ric can only apologize for his actions, not mine. Not another adult's!
The contrary is insolent. But we knew that from his previous actions and non-actions to correct his mistakes. So nothing new here.
Just recently, I rented my summer house in Turkey. Being in Italy, I put someone else in charge. Not being there to supervise things myself, I bought some fruits and ice-cream to the guests thinking there might be some shortfalls of the house. When the guests arrived, they complained. They said the house was not clean. I said "I am sorry." I didn't say "Oh I am sorry on behalf of the person in charge." I didn't say "I apologize for the person in charge not cleaning the house." I said "I am sorry. I take the responsibility." And I offered to pay some of their money back.
The person in charge is supposed to apologize to me and the guests if he has the opportunity. As for me, I take responsibility and apologize for the inconvenience of the guests on my own behalf! To me, that's what maturity calls for.
Oh, Ric did not issue any public apology for his slander against me, for something he broadcast through all his media. But he is apologizing publicly for a personal message I wrote to one of his patreons!!!! Woooow!! What a great personality!!!!
And I don't think the other two patreons were bothered at all. The only person who could have a right to complain was Stephen. And Ric is issuing a public apology for that on someone else's behalf! But when it comes to the huge wrong he has done me, oh not a word! Of course, the only thing he is concerned about is his financial interest, the goal is not to compromise that. He doesn't have an ethical responsibility towards his guests or any feeling of guilt for defaming someone. What kind of a person is this?!
If his interests are compromised, he apologizes even for someone else's actions. Sorry, of course it's easy to apologize for someone else I suppose. Where is the manhood Ric? Where is the maturity to stand up and take responsibility for what you have done?
I'm waiting Ric... Take up responsibility and apologize for your defamation. Stephen apologizes to me for misleading me with a thumbs up and for his unkind response. I am ready to apologize for my nasty retort. Only after both of you take your responsibilities in this situation. I am the one who was wronged in the first place and I am the one who this situation caused the most unease and stress to.
Click to read to find out The Best Sleeping Pill...
It's not what you expect.
I haven't been able to sleep lately. I mean my sleep routine has been turned upside down since the lockdown. I started staying up late and getting up late. It happened gradually. I thought I'd be getting back to the normal routine when schools reopened. But seeing the constant postponing and finally the decision to be closed for this semester, I let go.
Whereas my husband, as a slave, sorry as an employee, had to keep up his normal routine. So we are on duty for the house with my husband. It's not a bad arrangement. This way his work doesn't bother me so much as we have only one space and one work station. When husbandish and daughter go to bed, I can work in peace.
However, now that we will be going to Turkey for the first time in ten years by ferry and by car, plus too many stressful things to settle over there, plus too many decisions to make for the selling of our current house, the construction of the new, the moving plans, the change of schools for Lara etc. I have literally been overwhelmed after the calm and peaceful period of the lockdown. I have never been a good sleeper but I was going to bed at 3:00-4:00 am and sleeping around seven hours. The last couple of days I started going to bed at 6:00 am, not being able to sleep, then getting up to work more instead of turning around and around in bed, then going back to bed at 8 am, dozing off a bit, waking up at 10:00-10:30 am to start this unhealthy routine all over again.
Carlo suggested I take some camomile, or some alcohol. Camomile might be relaxing but it doesn't put me to sleep. As for alcohol, I cannot have more than a couple of sips, which is not of much help.
All of a sudden, I had a bright idea! I said “I'll be putting on Ric's podcast when I come to bed tonight, it won't bother you, right? I won't put it up too high,” I said to Carlo. Luckily, he is a classic man and he sleeps the moment he lays down and puts his head on the pillow. It irritates me so much when at times I say I'm going to sleep, he comes next to me and says he will only rest, then he starts snoring even before I start winding down!
Anyway... I don't know how I did not think of this before! as I have fallen asleep a couple of times when I said I'll listen to the podcast in the bedroom not to disturb my working husband. The voices or the tone of the interview is so dull, the questions so boring that it is difficult to listen to as hard as you try. Your mind drifts off. And then you drift off to sleep.
Luckily, the podcast worked like a charm and put me to sleep in my direst moment. I finally got a good rest. Thanks Ric!
Haha! I gave out a good laugh when I was listening to Ric's podcast Counting Countries on Very Hungry Nomads
and heard him say:
“Also, a quick note to some of my listeners and supporters. A former guest on Counting Countries who is a bit disgruntled has been harassing some of my listeners. I apologize for this person’s actions and hope you have not been overly inconvenienced.”
He is talking about me of course :)))
It's interesting he didn't mention my name. Neither did he use a pronoun to refer to my sex. No giveaways as to who the mysterious disgruntled person in question is ;) I bet he constructed the sentence carefully. I don't think he “feared” that I'd again start with “Oh you saying that I am harassing people is defamation” etc.
I don't know what's the point of that note was, not that I care.
Have I been harassing people? I don't think so.
But I know what Ric is referring to of course. He doesn't tell the story, just throws dirt on people without any evidence. He has made the judgement that I was harassing, so that's it. He doesn't tell people the whole story and let them decide for themselves.
Anyway... For anyone that may be interested, here is the whole short story:
Sure, I was disgruntled. “A bit disgruntled”?? You bet I was a lot disgruntled at Ric's baseless accusations, when he slandered me publicly and did not post any apology for it. So I wrote a post making A Call to Ric Gazarian's Patrons
Then I went on Facebook and found them there. Only four of them. And sent this short message to them.
Now... Would you call this harassing? I wouldn't. There is no harassment here. It is just one “disgruntled” person as Ric put it, making a call, trying to campaign for correcting a “perceived” wrong and unethical broadcast. It is just two lines, takes a minute to read. If people are not interested, they are not obliged to click and read the link and can simply discard my message.
Facebook does not publish messages from people you are not friends with on your Messenger openly, they are very non-invasive; they simply show you that you have a message from this person. Then, if you click to read and interact, fine. You connect and from then on you can both see if the other person is online. If you find the message or the person to be bothering, you can simply click the “I do not want to hear from this person” message that Facebook displays at the bottom of all unsolicited messages. All set and done.
Now... I had sent the above message to four people. I did not hear any word from three even until now. And I did not bother to resend or do anything. I do not care. My task was to write and tell my story and share. It is out of me. If anybody is interested, they read. If not, I do not force anyone to anything, not that I can either. I am insistent when I believe someone has done wrong; however, I do NOT harass people. I just let my thoughts out, express myself and go about my business when I am done.
I never get any feedback or returns to any of my writings/solicitations. I have no expectations of people. But in this case, I was surprised! You see how Stephen Rothwell responded to my message, right? He put a like!
I said “Hmm?? Perhaps he got what I was trying to say and he will stop supporting Ric.”
I felt like I needed to thank him. Also, getting encouragement from Stephen's like, I wanted to ask something. Because you see, I am always trying to understand people's actions and the reasons behind them. So I wrote and said: "Hello, thanks. May I ask why you are supporting Ric? Just out of curiosity..."
You see, I am trying to get support for my Mission to Every Country to Burn Passports to Protest Birthplace Racism and Global Apartheid. I thought knowing/understanding why people support others might give me some insight into my endeavor.
And the answer I got from Stephen was: "I don't care about your problem with Ric. Please don't contact me again.
My first reaction was Hoppalaaa! (That's a Turkish word for Gosh!) “Why did you bother to put a thumbs up then?? Yeah, all you people are strange.”
But I was really bothered. Seriously... You may not be interested, you may not want to hear from someone, but there seriously is totally no reason for you to be mean like this. No reason for meanness. Unnecessarily. I wasn't a pest who was tugging at his shirt. I sent a simple message, which he put a like to and upon which I asked a simple question. Seriously... You don't treat people like shit. You don't just hit an old woman who only held an open hand to you asking for your help. Go on walking your way, you don't need to help. But don't be mean. Be ignorant/dismissive of people kindly.
I know there are millions of people out there asking for something, either money, or your signature on a change.org campaign, or calling for help for someone in need of blood, school money, help for finding shelter for cats and dogs etc. I understand... We are bombarded with these through social media. I understand... We cannot just dig into all of these and care for even a couple of these. The most we do is click a button, relieve our conscience and move on. But again, seriously... We don't have to be mean towards people who ask something from us.
I don't think Stephen had a right to respond to me like that. Especially after he put a like to my message. Perhaps he did it by mistake. But please, please... Take up responsibility if you have given the wrong impression to someone by mistake. I wrote to him first and asked.
“Then why did you put a like?”
I expected an answer at that point. No answer. Or for him to block me. He did neither. Then I thought hard about it: Whether to write something else or not. As obvious, I decided yes. I do not care what people think about me. Especially not those who are incapable of looking at themselves and the trouble they cause others.
To hell with any unnecessarily unkind person in this world. I'm trying to understand. He might have been upset, and might have responded like that. But no, he doesn't have a right to take out on me whatever unpleasantness he had. That's no excuse. Besides, if you do, you should be ready for repercussions like mine. Yes, I was upset. It felt like a slap on my face. And for no reason. I felt like a child slapped for asking an innocent question. I was fed up. Seriously... There are simpler and less aggressive ways to get people out of your life in the cyber world. Helloooo.... There is the block button.
I was very upset about him responding to me like that. I can never think of being so dismissive of anybody who has not done me any harm. Plus, he is giving me an order, and I don't take kindly to orders. Yes, there is a "Please" before the "Don't contact me again," but it's still an order. You know why?? Because it is something he could have taken action himself. If we ask other people to do something when we could simply solve it ourselves, it is definitely an order. There is a subtle difference there. Between kindly asking, requesting something from someone or being dominating.
I waited for him to respond to my question about why he put a like then? Just for him to say "It must have been by mistake" or something. I waited two days. No response.
Then... For the first time in my life, I wanted to be mighty like these people, so uncaring about others. Be mean like them. That's the language they understand.
If you call this harassing, then yes, I "have been harassing some of Ric's listeners."
I beg to differ.
Did I like writing and sending that? Well, no.
Do I think it was a nice thing to do? Not really.
But do I regret it? Hell no.
I don't like aggressive people who do not care about others. And I learnt, or rather life taught me to treat them in kind. So I don't care a bit about him or Ric either. Writing is my way of getting the poison people inject in me out. So that's it.
And oh sure, I blocked him right after sending that message ;)
Disgruntled II- Who can you apologize for?
Click to read to find out The Best Sleeping Pill...
It's not what you expect.
To Steph Rowe, Ted Nims, Bisa Myles, Stephen Rothwell, and Adam Hickman..
This is a request from you to STOP supporting his Counting Countries podcast as his patron.
Because he has done a great injustice and has acted unethically. He basically slandered me and did not post any apologies for it.
Those who are interested may go into the details at My EPS Adventure but in short, I had a bad experience in EPS, I couldn't stand the level of intelligence, the arrogance, the hatred and wanted out.
After some time, Ric asked me to be on his podcast and I accepted. We did the podcast in August 2018. I had just returned from a trip and was still tired. I have been on TV and radio programs before but I was excited to be doing an interview for the first time in English. I wasn't too satisfied with it, the way I talked, you know... you criticize yourself. However, I was glad I got to talk about some of the issues I deem to be very important and do not get talked about.
Anyway... When it came out in October, I was in for a big surprise, a very bad one!
"Gülin was eventually kicked out of the group for violating a number of rules that members must follow." Yeah... So easy to smear and not care!
I asked him:
"What were the group rules that I have violated? If you accuse someone of something, you need to explain them what they have done wrong."
"My recollection is your situation was discussed amongst the moderators and you were voted out for numerous violations," Ric answered.
Oh yeah??!! I was voted out for numerous violations, he announces I am kicked out for several violations, but when I ask, he cannot even mention one thing I did wrong!
Sorry but it is outrageous!
No, I take back the sorry, it is totally outrageous!
All he can come up with is "Oh, there were many complaints about you."
Oh great! I am so happy and relieved to learn that!
I'll give it to Ric that I did not walk out on my own, but he didn't know anything about what had happened to be able to say/broadcast that I was kicked out. This is something that is totally against ethics.
There were also so many other issues with the podcast. I mean not with the podcast itself but how Ric portrayed me. I go into that at A Podcast Gone Wrong
Again to Ric's credit, he changed the introduction after I protested.
However, the podcast was still the same of course. And this being a podcast, people generally do not read the introduction on the website but listen to the podcast.
So I said "I'm hoping you are going to be updating that too."
He said it would take some time. But I didn't want people to be listening to the podcast like that. Not one person more had to hear that. So I asked him to take the podcast down.
That is, not right away.
On the contrary, he published it on another portal saying it was controversial and had gotten a threat to be sued. This upset me even more. Because obviously, he was using me, trying to get clicks.
I was also upset about Maurizio Giuliano who had acted horribly in the group and not had any repercussions.
Ric asked me "Who cares about Maurizio, why do you keep writing paragraph upon paragraph on him?"
"I care about that idiot Maurizio because he is still considered a “respectable” member of the society while I am ostracized! And you, too, should care!" I wrote to Ric. "Do you have any idea, I mean can you imagine how frustrating it is to be told I have been kicked out of a group for SEVERAL violations, and this being told not in person but ANNOUNCED PUBLICLY, and when I ask what rules I have violated, you are not able to name even ONE single violation. No example no nothing! “Ah I remember you've been reported several times.” What have I been reported for? By whom?
The damage is done Ric. The damage is done. You posted that thing out there, now everybody (well, whoever that everybody is... I don't know how many people are in your mail-list and how many people actually listen or care, but still... obviously it is high enough that companies pay you or sponsor you thinking some people will care) thinks I am a person who violates rules, who is some sort of, I don't know, a “wrong” person. After all, I was KICKED OUT, right? I want a public apology Ric, I want a public apology from you, in the mail-list and on FB and Twitter as well, I want it cleared. For anybody who could care. I want my name cleared. As I said, I do not care the least bit for whatever people think of me, everybody is entitled to their opinion, but ONLY as long as it is based on accurate facts; I do not like smears. And sorry to say, that is a slur. You know, even if you make a correction after a mistake, you cannot undo it. The stain remains; people remember the first thing they read. They have already registered things. And I don't like it.
I will also ask you to reinstate me to the group. Make Maurizio apologize for his wrong claims (RyanAir) and for his wrong accusations (that I was seeking your pity), or he is removed from the group. I would also like Stefan to publicly scold him for talking about pregnant girls, something that is completely irrelevant to the group topic.
I don't know... I really shouldn't have had to say all these things in the first place. I keep wasting my time trying to right wrongs that shouldn't have happened, that shouldn't be happening in the first place. Or that should have been prevented by people running a community, a company, a country.
Anyway... Again, I know I cannot force any of these on you. I don't even need to say do as you wish. I just wish that one day I won't be disillusioned with my trust in people doing the right thing."
Think of this... Imagine a situation:
One day, you hear from the administration of your child's school that s/he's been kicked out from school because of several violations. What would you do? Mind you, until that moment, you have never, never ever, not even once, have heard of anything from the school. I suppose any parent would naturally ask “What did s/he do?” That's what I asked Ric after I heard the announcement in my podcast that I was kicked out from school, sorry EPS. So this was even worse, imagine you heard it blasted from the city radio that your child was kicked out from school for several violations. Anyway, so you ask the most natural question, wanting to know: “What did s/he do?” The management, who blasted this news, tells you “Well, there were many complaints about your child.”
???? And?... What were those? I suppose you'd naturally want to know what your child did.
The management says “Oh, I don't know. But many people complained.”
Now... This would never ever happen to you. You would never ever send your child to such a shitty school. If your child does anything, if there is any complaint from any other classmate or parent of a classmate, you'd naturally expect the administration to inform you about it. Give you a chance to evaluate and discuss the issue. No. You are not given any such opportunity, you are just considered a shitbag, and your name is slandered. Oh great!
So, if by any chance you have enrolled your child to such a school, you'd be glad s/he was out anyway and would not want your child to attend such a shitty school anyway. Ah, if you say anything against the administration, question their competence, ah they label you “an irrational player.”
Perfect civility. From the citizens of the greatest country in the world!
I am sick and tired of people accusing me when I react to their mistakes and my reaction is totally valid!
Taking responsibility and saying sorry when you make a mistake. I am obsessed with this. My recent favorite is a Seneca quote:
Yes, 'To err is human, but to persist in the mistake is diabolical.”
And so many people insist on their mistakes. That's one thing that makes the world a horrible place and escalates problems that could just dissipate easily if the one in the wrong was courageous enough to accept his mistake.
If only Ric had just acknowledged and apologized, there would have been one less person who felt mistreated.
I know, or rather I learnt that there are so many, in fact too many people who do not know how to apologize but come on... If you are making a podcast, if you are doing public media, there are some manners to go about, to follow when you make a mistake.
“Correcting or Retracting Your Work After Publication” published on August 21, 2019 by Digital Media Law states:
“Responding to a retraction request will vary with the nature of your statements and the details of your state's retraction statute or case law. Generally speaking, to be effective, a retraction must be a "frank and full" withdrawal of the defamatory accusation. Merely stating that the subject of the statement denies the accusation is not enough, nor is a weak, grudging, or half-hearted correction. Additionally, the retraction must appear in a manner comparable to that of the original publication and be disseminated to the same audience.”
Yes! Exactly! Ric should retract his words, not just change them on his website so people do not even understand my reaction. Plus, you don't just delete the podcast and unburden yourself of responsibility. The wrong information you broadcasted and the correction needs to be disseminated to the same audience in the same way!
Ric still needs to broadcast the retraction on his podcast.
This is the New York Times. On the article “Make No Mistake, but if You Do, Here’s How to Correct It” by Margaret Sullivan published on January 16, 2013 it says how they do NOT change articles when they realize they have made a mistake, they add a correction. If they ever do change it, they “without exception, acknowledge and explain at the bottom that 'an earlier version of this article'.... screwed up whatever. (Let us count the ways.)”
So Ric had to count the ways he screwed up saying I was kicked out for several violations. He still has that responsibility and obligation.
“Greg Brock retired from The Times; he was not fired.” Any person so maligned would want The Times to point every reader to that correction – in huge type.
Yes, I was maligned and I want that correction in HUGE TYPE. And I want it disseminated to the same audience!
Call to Ric's Patrons
What do I need to do to have Ric apologize to me in public? What is the practical solution and the pragmatic approach? What is the better way to accomplish my objective?
To me, the only way is to pressure his patrons. He knows he is wrong too. But he will never acknowledge it on his own. If he was decent, he'd have done it long time ago, on his own in the first place.
So this is a request from you to face Ric about his public slandering, to make pressure on him to make a public apology and to STOP supporting his Counting Countries podcast as his patron if he does not. For you to Please stop supporting Ric until he apologizes Publicly!
PS: Do I really think that any of Ric's patrons will actually read, care and stop supporting Ric? Not really. Even Ryan, who is someone who understands me, who has said I was a thought-leader in his life, who wanted to get me back in EPS, who is now also a moderator in the group did not care enough to do that. Or rather, he didn't want to compromise his interests. For I believe he has some intentions to grow his audience and do something in the travel industry as well.
Oh well... That's life. That's how the world works. On interests, on where your loyalties lie.
But then why... If I don't think that any of Ric's patrons will care about my call, if I don't think that Ric will ever apologize to me even in private let alone publicly... then why do I still take pains to write all this stuff??
Well... That's a good question. A question that even I am not able to answer. Perhaps it is a way of procrastination not to work on my books which are so important for me, or perhaps it is a way to work out my problems with people and to understand myself better. Perhaps it is to idly amuse myself to pass the time, or perhaps it is psychotherapy to get over my grievances. Or yet another perhaps, it is much more than that, it is an attempt at conveying a greater message to people. Or it is simply a push I have.
Whatever it is... I wrote it. What you want to do with it is none of my business. That is left to you.
My EPS Adventure- Behind the Scenes
Asked to Come Back
Threats and Controversy
A Podcast Gone Wrong
Tantrums and Rants
My interview with Kevin Koskella of www.freedomlovin.com.
A conversation on travels, borders, security and other issues that should matter for those who question themselves about the state of the world today.
Ending up with my endeavor to go to every country in the world and then burn my passports to end #GlobalApartheid and #BirthplaceRacism.
Thank you for listening.
What does travelling the world mean today? What is it to be a woman travelling the world? How comes world travellers do not question themselves about borders and freedom of movement? How does so called security makes our lives less secure and our perspectives as human beings more close to that of a herd of sheep?
These are only a few of the issues I touch upon during this recent interview with Ric Gazarian which I share in the hope that more people can join my endeavor to end "Global Apartheid" and "Birthplace Racism".
Thank you for listening.