“What do I have? I don't have anybody apart from you. You are the only one I can get along with. And that's only because of you!” I cried. “Not because of me. You are the one who gets along with me!”
That actually was an accusation against my husband who gets along with everyone; at the same time, a stone at myself as I know I am not easy to get along with. I try people. I push them hard. Only the ones who succeed can get close. And that has been only one so far.
“You are a unique and special person,” replied my husband. “Everybody has different traits.”
He knows how to boost your ego. He doesn't hit everybody on the head like me.
In the talk “Former CIA Officer Will Teach You How to Spot a Lie” when Susan Carnicero said:
What would you say if you went to a work interview and they asked you “Have you had any arguments with a supervisor?”
I gave a hearty laugh! I would just say “Have I ever not had an argument with anyone I worked with!” That's my trait! Not getting along with anyone.
Carnicero continued answering her own question: “You'd hear everything about how good an employee they are, but you wouldn't get an answer to your question.”
Well, people get answers from me alright. Even though they generally are answers they do not like. Perhaps I hold people up to a very high standard as some keep telling me. I expect the same precision and care I show people. And that's difficult to find. Yet, some people find those people.
Sometimes it really hurts. To be so alone... Even so, I'm grateful that I have my husband at least. And my daughter of course. Even though she needs to grow up some more to keep me intellectual company.
But I am so used to disillusion. I should know not to care.
Yet, there are things I seem to never learn. We cannot change our natures much. We just learn how to live without getting ourselves too much broken. That's it.
The Moody Blues, Melancholy Man...
I'm a melancholy man.
That's what I am,
All the world surrounds me,
And my feet are on the ground.
I'm a very lonely man,
Doing what I can,
All the world astounds me,
And I think I understand.
That we're going,
To keep growing,
Wait and see.
When all the stars are falling down,
Into the sea and on the ground,
And angry voices carry on the wind.
A beam of light will fill your head,
And you'll remember what's been said,
By all the good men this world's ever known.
Another man is what you'll see,
Who looks like you and looks like me,
And yet somehow he will not feel the same.
His life caught up in misery,
He doesn't think like you and me,
'Cause he can't see what you and I can see.