My mind is still on this applause thing. I came across a piece on NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming) which was talking about how people sabotage themselves. There is a wrong message in their subconscious about not being worth anything, a belief somebody (mostly parents) installed there, or some maxim like women cannot be successful, etc. I have the same question or doubt sitting at the back of my mind for a long time now. I really am not sure if I want my mission to go to every country to burn passports to be heard about. It's a dangerous world out there. Seriously... It's a mad world. I keep saying Angela Merkel and Angelina Jolie fall short with their discourse on refugees; even so, they are brutally attacked.
Jolie published an Op-Ed on the New York Times after Trump's EO. It is just so soft compared to my claims. The comments on the NY Times are mostly approving and moderate at most in criticism. That's the reader profile of NY Times. However, when it comes to other sites, the comments are just so awful. When I told this to my husband he said:
“Are you afraid of criticism?”
I said: “I'm fine with criticism, do you have any idea about all the things they say? The curses, the condemnation... Vile, putrid... That's not criticism, it's hate-puking. Why should I want that in my life?”
“You shouldn't get into politics if you cannot deal with that.”
“I question myself... Why should I ruin my perfect life now? I finally have a settled tranquil life after 45 years of struggle and strife. Why should I ruin it? Besides, it's dangerous. You never know if anybody would stab you or what. I guess Jolie and Merkel go around with bodyguards. I don't want such a life.”
“You'd be a hero.”
I was taken aback what my husband was suggesting! What hero?! “I don't want to be a dead hero,” I said. “You want a dead-hero wife?!”
“You don't really need to be so well-known. A woman British Parliament member was killed right before the Brexit vote. She was outspoken about doing something for the Syrian war and accepting refugee children.”
I read the news. Jo Cox, a 41 year-old woman with two young children. Allegedly, the guy first stabbed, then shot her shouting “Britain first.” Her husband Brendan Cox is trying to make something out of her death. So that her death is not in vain. Okay, good. Still, nothing brings her back.
Would it be worth putting myself in front? I don't even want to be a live-hero. I just want to live my quiet life. On the other hand, I know deep down inside, this issue of freedom of movement and global apartheid is so very important for me and I can't let go.
What a f..king dilemma! Anyway, we see how things go. This is not a goal I can achieve on my own. Going to every country is the easy part and I am still far from even that.